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ASSESSING FRIENDSHIPS



AND



OTHER PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS





Charles Claude Brodeur, Ph.D.







QUESTIONS TO ASK:





1. Do I want to continue the friendship or relationship?



Yes________ No________ Don't know________





2. What am I getting from this relationship?



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________





3. What do I imagine the other person is getting from the relationship?



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________





4. Do I feel important in the relationship?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never









5. How important?  What about the other person makes you feel important?  What does the other person do that lets you know that you're important?



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



(Use opposite page if more space needed)





6. How high in his/her list of priorities do you want the other person to place you in terms of:



time___________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



attention______________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



money__________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________









7. How high in your list of priorities do you want to put the other person in terms of your:



time*__________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



attention*_____________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



money*_________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



*Be as specific and as detailed as you can possibly be.





8. How do you feel about yourself after you have spent some time with the other person?  Be as specific as you can and be sure that you are describing your feelings and not just giving how you're thinking.



_______________________________________________________



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9. How do you feel about others after you've spent some time with the other person?  About life in general?**



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



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_______________________________________________________



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**Suggestions: do you feel uplifted?  positive?  energetic?  optimistic?  encouraged?  lighthearted?  clearheaded? 





10. Do your values match or mesh?  Again, be specific and detailed.  What values match?  In what ways are your values different?  What values mesh?  A value would be something you highly regard or deem highly important and would be very reluctant to give up or compromise.



Same___________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________





Different (in conflict)________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



Mesh (different but not in conflict)___________________



_______________________________________________________







11. What do you like in the other person?



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



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12. What do you like in yourself?



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



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3. Compare your answers to question #11 and #12 and list the obvious differences here.



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14. What do you imagine the other person likes in you?



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________



_______________________________________________________







In answer to questions #13 and #14 consider the following questions:



Is he/she someone who likes to learn, to enjoy new experiences?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you someone who likes to learn, to enjoy new experiences?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Does he/she demonstrate openly his/her faith in his/her God?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you demonstrate openly your faith in your God?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Is he/she someone who easily expresses his/her feelings?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you someone who easily expresses his/her feelings?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Is he/she someone who is energetic, productive, hard working?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you someone who is energetic, productive, hard working?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never













Is he/she someone in good contact with reality?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you in good contact with reality?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Is he/she ordinarily neat and clean in his/her appearance?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you ordinarily neat and clean in appearance?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Is he/she ordinarily clean and orderly at home?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you ordinarily clean and orderly at home?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Is he/she someone who looks after himself/herself and takes care of his/her health?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you look after yourself and take care of your health?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never

















Is he/she someone who pulls his/her weight in the relationship and lets you pull your weight in the relationship?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you pull your weight in the relationship and let the other person pull his/her weight?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never



Does he/she have a sense of humor?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never



Do you have a sense of humor?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Does he/she have a sense of playfulness?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you have a sense of playfulness?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Does he/she have an appreciation for beautiful things?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you have an appreciation for beautiful things?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never















Does he/she have a good sense of timing (do the right things at the right time; or say the right things at the right time)?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you have this sense of timing?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Does he/she need lots of stimulating activities and company?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you need lots of stimulating activities and company?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Can he/she deal positively with life's surprises, the unexpected?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Can you deal positively with life's surprises, the unexpected?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Is he/she affectionate, kind and considerate in his/her relationships with you?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you affectionate, kind and considerate in your relationships with him/her?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never













Is he/she affectionate, kind and considerate in his/her relationships with others as well?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you affectionate, kind and considerate in your relationships with others as well?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Is he/she someone who is both strong and gentle?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Are you both strong and gentle?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Does he/she have good manners and practise ordinary courtesies?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you have good manners and practise ordinary courtesies?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Does he/she take good care of his/her possessions?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you take good care of your possessions?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never















Does he/she show an appreciation for friendship, family and show loyalty to those who have been good to or for him/her?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never





Do you show an appreciation for friendship, family and show loyalty to those who have been good to or for you?



1 2 3 4 5

almost always mostly usually sometimes never











Q U E S T I O N S



S H O R T F O R M







HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT US IN THE RELATIONSHIP?





WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP DOING FOR ME?



DO WE LIKE THE SAME THINGS?





DO WE SHARE THE SAME VALUES?





WHAT DO WE DO MOSTLY WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER?





DO I ENJOY THE TIMES WE SPEND TOGETHER?





DO I HAVE ANY REGRETS IN THE RELATIONSHIP?